A Spiritual Journey
By Kim Burrell
Being a woman of God is the most important thing in my life. Without God directing my steps, none of my accomplishments would have been possible. Life has so many chapters, each one helping us evolve a little more than the previous.
From the beginning of our evolution, as little girls we play dress up in characters never realizing its actually adding to the cloth of our personal fabric. As young women the people, places and things we encounter add such depth and vitality to our personalities. When we become women everything we encompass during those journeys are what gives us our womanhood. If we are wise enough to trust the process of life and our teachings we discover how colorful life is.
At the age of 18 I gave birth to my first child and every year thereafter for 4 years, I had a child. Tired was not the word. While Motherhood is learning experience for us all; it was second nature to me.
Learning five different personalities that all came from my womb was more than interesting. I like to say that I fell asleep at eighteen and woke up at twenty six years old and I was already a mother, wife with a flourishing career. At the time I didn’t know much about personal happiness but immediately I knew what being a mother meant (Sacrifice).
Growing up I had very good examples of what true womanhood was, starting with my Mother as well as my Aunts. These women were smart, strong and loving. As I became older I noticed they took huge losses in relationships. My Mother and Aunts built their worlds around raising their children.
I noticed in my growth that I developed the attitude of a scorned woman, but I’m not sure why. I was never a battered woman. Sure I’d gone through relationship issues but when you are with someone for 22 years, things happen. I noticed people began to define my assertive demeanor as aggression which always made me feel bad as a person. I was a person that you had to get to know to be exposed to my “soft side”. I always knew it was trust that kept me from allowing people to see that side of me.
Raising children is a difficult task for anyone; but coming from a house full of women I had no clue on how to deal with teenage boys. It wasn’t helpful that my Husband at the time didn’t know his biological father.
While climbing the corporate ladder first as a file clerk then a paralegal, there were so many nights I didn’t get home until after 10 o’clock. This left me no time to really give to my children, or myself even.
All three of my sons did the exact opposite of what I tried to teach them. I knew raising young black men in the inner city would be a task. Not once did I think one of my children would be a causality of the war on drugs and the attack on the black male population.
After realizing that my husband was doing more harm than help, considering his unstable upbringing I realized that women shouldn’t raise boys alone (in my opinion).
On July 21, 2009 I received the call that my son was just shot 17 times (yes, 17) in the back while running from his murderer.
To this day I have no words to describe that feeling of loss or detachment. I felt powerless. As parents we are supposed to be our children’s first line of defense and in my heart I had failed at that task. The thought of me “failing” to protect my child would guilt me for years to come.
Because of my strong SPIRITUAL (not religious) upbringing, I trusted God enough to still say my prayers and keep faith will. There were times I would look at women and the way they raised their sons and I would ask God “why my child?” I felt deeply that God’s reply was “Kim, why NOT your child?”
During the process of dealing with myself post losing a child to such a violent senseless act, I still had four other children looking for guidance and going through their own grieving.
The months and years after my son’s death, I couldn’t keep myself together. My other sons were filled with guilt and anger. My daughters lived in terror of every noise that resembled a gun shot. While trying to rebuild my life after such a huge loss, I soon realized that my marriage was over. When my son passed all I could think about is my son’s last word to me “Mom you’re a good mom, but you can’t teach us how to be men”.
Those words sealed my divorce to their father. At that point I needed God and I needed him sooner than later. One night I cried so hard with my merlot and paper and pen in hand and I knew God said ‘Kim just write”. Two years later I wrote EVOLUTION OF A WOMAN. That book was my healing. It was the joy, the sadness, the bitterness and the process of a woman beginning to transform; solely leaning on her relationship with God.
I recently started a woman’s program called ‘PROJECT TAKE IT OFF’ that guides women and helps them find themselves while raising families. Most women don’t understand how important it is to maintain a sense of self while being a Mother and a wife. Women are truly the fabric that keeps families together.
I am currently working on two books ‘BELLY OF THE BEAST’ and ‘ONE WOMAN, ONE MOMENT, ONE THOUGHT’. Though it’s my desire to return to the field of law I have a need to allow God to guide my footsteps.
By Kim Burrell
Being a woman of God is the most important thing in my life. Without God directing my steps, none of my accomplishments would have been possible. Life has so many chapters, each one helping us evolve a little more than the previous.
From the beginning of our evolution, as little girls we play dress up in characters never realizing its actually adding to the cloth of our personal fabric. As young women the people, places and things we encounter add such depth and vitality to our personalities. When we become women everything we encompass during those journeys are what gives us our womanhood. If we are wise enough to trust the process of life and our teachings we discover how colorful life is.
At the age of 18 I gave birth to my first child and every year thereafter for 4 years, I had a child. Tired was not the word. While Motherhood is learning experience for us all; it was second nature to me.
Learning five different personalities that all came from my womb was more than interesting. I like to say that I fell asleep at eighteen and woke up at twenty six years old and I was already a mother, wife with a flourishing career. At the time I didn’t know much about personal happiness but immediately I knew what being a mother meant (Sacrifice).
Growing up I had very good examples of what true womanhood was, starting with my Mother as well as my Aunts. These women were smart, strong and loving. As I became older I noticed they took huge losses in relationships. My Mother and Aunts built their worlds around raising their children.
I noticed in my growth that I developed the attitude of a scorned woman, but I’m not sure why. I was never a battered woman. Sure I’d gone through relationship issues but when you are with someone for 22 years, things happen. I noticed people began to define my assertive demeanor as aggression which always made me feel bad as a person. I was a person that you had to get to know to be exposed to my “soft side”. I always knew it was trust that kept me from allowing people to see that side of me.
Raising children is a difficult task for anyone; but coming from a house full of women I had no clue on how to deal with teenage boys. It wasn’t helpful that my Husband at the time didn’t know his biological father.
While climbing the corporate ladder first as a file clerk then a paralegal, there were so many nights I didn’t get home until after 10 o’clock. This left me no time to really give to my children, or myself even.
All three of my sons did the exact opposite of what I tried to teach them. I knew raising young black men in the inner city would be a task. Not once did I think one of my children would be a causality of the war on drugs and the attack on the black male population.
After realizing that my husband was doing more harm than help, considering his unstable upbringing I realized that women shouldn’t raise boys alone (in my opinion).
On July 21, 2009 I received the call that my son was just shot 17 times (yes, 17) in the back while running from his murderer.
To this day I have no words to describe that feeling of loss or detachment. I felt powerless. As parents we are supposed to be our children’s first line of defense and in my heart I had failed at that task. The thought of me “failing” to protect my child would guilt me for years to come.
Because of my strong SPIRITUAL (not religious) upbringing, I trusted God enough to still say my prayers and keep faith will. There were times I would look at women and the way they raised their sons and I would ask God “why my child?” I felt deeply that God’s reply was “Kim, why NOT your child?”
During the process of dealing with myself post losing a child to such a violent senseless act, I still had four other children looking for guidance and going through their own grieving.
The months and years after my son’s death, I couldn’t keep myself together. My other sons were filled with guilt and anger. My daughters lived in terror of every noise that resembled a gun shot. While trying to rebuild my life after such a huge loss, I soon realized that my marriage was over. When my son passed all I could think about is my son’s last word to me “Mom you’re a good mom, but you can’t teach us how to be men”.
Those words sealed my divorce to their father. At that point I needed God and I needed him sooner than later. One night I cried so hard with my merlot and paper and pen in hand and I knew God said ‘Kim just write”. Two years later I wrote EVOLUTION OF A WOMAN. That book was my healing. It was the joy, the sadness, the bitterness and the process of a woman beginning to transform; solely leaning on her relationship with God.
I recently started a woman’s program called ‘PROJECT TAKE IT OFF’ that guides women and helps them find themselves while raising families. Most women don’t understand how important it is to maintain a sense of self while being a Mother and a wife. Women are truly the fabric that keeps families together.
I am currently working on two books ‘BELLY OF THE BEAST’ and ‘ONE WOMAN, ONE MOMENT, ONE THOUGHT’. Though it’s my desire to return to the field of law I have a need to allow God to guide my footsteps.