My first true quest/reality of becoming a single parent of one daughter and two sons all under the age of eleven was at Christmas time. A rewarding, exciting, fulfilling and most memorable time of my life.
During my separation period the children and I was blessed with the opportunity of residing with my grandparents to save money to enable us to venture out on our own.
The day came out a week before Christmas....lease signed and keys in hand for a 3 bedroom apartment. Overjoyed! And, I thanked God for my grandmother who co-signed for furniture and delivery date set. Overjoyed!
The memorable moment was purchasing a tree and ornaments to decorate without the children. After school I told the children we have to visit a friend's apartment who was out of town for the holidays....house sitting. As we entered in the apartment; turned on the light I believed my oldest child said, "Mom, she doesn't have any furniture." So, I plugged in the decorated Christmas tree and said, "Merry Christmas, this is our apartment!"
Christmas memory forever!!!!!!!!
“Love the one you’re with!”
By Wendy L. Harvey
We all have sung the song a time or two called “Love the one you’re with” by different artists with different melodies. It probably never occurred to start with loving you …Yes, “You’re the one you’re with!
Women have the tendencies to forget about the act of self-love because we were programmed to be the major nurturers in everyone’s life and to make ourselves the sacrificial lambs for the sake of love for others. We begin with the family, then men in our life, children, friends, and later our aging parents which is a given must. We become high achievers in love and become grossly profound illustrators of love for others until we prefect the definition that we personally come to know as self - love.
The process of love takes hours of accumulation for development of procedures, rules/regulations, trials/errors, morals/values…the best example should be the use of self-love though; and then we can experiment on others. We as women somehow need to use that old adage of “practice makes perfect” on self- love first. If we practice self-love then we would have a better definition of one’s ability/capability of our love level. Self-love begins to arrange the symphony of a sound structure of the do’s/don’ts, the joy/pain of what love can bring and the basics of the good, bad and ugly. Learn to understand the challenges and lessons of self-love that are needed for yourself with your passing or failing of grades before you attempt to love others; if you can’t love the one you’re with…you will be unable to love others. When you dive into the manifestation of self-love you can give the greatest gift of love to others in your life.
Today, begin with your “Self- Love”…it’s not too late; no matter how young/old you are nor what past experiences you have been subjected to. Look in the mirror; really look at what you love about yourself. Now pass the physical attributes and focus/analyze on your gifts/talents that God has given you from his love. Lastly, figure out ways that maybe you can start to love yourself a little more. Start to journal your love diagnose/process so you can always use this as a reference guide for yourself to see your progress in your life before others.
Be your own sacrificial lamb for self-love by “Loving the one you’re with!
If you are interested in the “Self- Love” course coming up; email firstname.lastname@example.org
This evening September 6, 2012 as I am sitting here watching/listening to the 2012 Democratic Convention…tears are in my eyes to know an African American MAN raised from a single parent home is running for the President of the United States for his second term…all I can say is “Wow”!
This should say to us, as single parents, our children can be true success stories in society. Society has embedded negativity about single parent homes over and over again, but no credit or recognition for the successful homes. Our children might not become the President, Doctor, Lawyer or Indian Chief, but we can raise them to be good/successful people in society and not the menaces society expects our children to be. This is why SoLo Parenting Magazine’s concept or mission is to strengthen/educate the roots (parents) so you can strengthen/teach the branches (children) to create a trunk of strength/wisdom to master the tree call “LIFE”.
SoLo Parenting Magazine has recently celebrated our one year anniversary and our numbers are showing us from our site analysis that we are traveling down the yellow brick road to success to share empowerment, insight, wisdom and encouragement to single parents from coast to coast and from sea to sea.
I, Wendy L. Harvey, Founder /Publisher of SoLo Parenting Magazine, thank my writers for their meaningful and well written words of knowledge and I thank you readers for viewing what we have to say.
Peace and blessings,
Wendy L. Harvey
After a long hard week of situations after situations, Friday has arrived and you look forward to a weekend alone. It is not that you don’t love your children but you are longing for some luxuries for self.
Well, the time is here. The children are excited about being with Daddy for the weekend and you are excited about being by yourself. It is around 6 p.m. and all bags are packed and the children are waiting eagerly for 7 p.m. arrival of Daddy.
So, the saga begins, you have been here before. The time now is 7:45 p.m. and no phone call with an explanation, as of yet, has entertained your ears. The two youngest children are waiting patiently with no conception of time, while the eldest has went into his room to play his video game. A car has pulled into a parking spot and the children are happy until they realize it is not Daddy’s car. It is now 8:30 p.m. and another disappointed child leaves from window watching duty and starts to watch TV with you. No questions were asked as the child sits down next to you. You go into your bedroom to make a phone call to the blankly…blank…blank Daddy and of course, NO ANSWER. Now you say, “God give me strength in this situation”! As you entered into the living room you noticed the youngest child has taken off his backpack off his back and has begun watching TV with such sadness on his face.
This is where you have to get a grip on yourself to not go totally berserk and start cussing and fussing as hard as it may be. Sit in your bedroom for a moment and count to 10, maybe in this case to 50 before you go back into the room with the children. Now, how do you handle it? You learn to put on your happy POKER FACE and use a clear audible voice of happiness as you walk back into the living room. “Okay, stinkers we are going to order pizza and have a late night game/movie night” you say, as the children shout with joy and happiness. Mommy is the hero once again and unfortunately Daddy is an afterthought again.
Doorbell is ringing at 9 a.m. the next morning…umm; can you guess who that is?
As I step back into Wendy’s Chronicles I remember that “Time is of the Essence” when it comes to non – custodial parent and child. The nasty process and bitterness between two parents over a child is sometimes appalling to say the least. A child is split up between legal documents signed, sealed and delivered on the behalf of ex-husband/wife or baby mama/daddy drama. The schedule has been etched in stone concerning visitations rights. The child support has been measured by state guidelines with terms/conditions based on both incomes. The reality of the expiration of the relationship of a person you once cared for or loved has been terminated. Now you wait to see if the non- custodial parent stays around or leaves their precious jewel behind; the fact of the matter is the jewel needs to be polished by four hands not just two.
As time goes by there are scenarios as to why the non- custodial parent might disappear. First scenario, they do not want to follow the set schedule the court system documented on paper for visitations. Second, they do not or cannot pay the terms of child support that was laid out for them. Last scenario, you let family members influence you of letting the other parent in or out the child’s life. Whatever, the case might be the non- custodial parent does not plead or fight for their rights and run away for their own selfish reasons.
Now let’s picture the non- custodial parent has not paid child support and has disappeared for a while, but later has returned to build a relationship with the child. So, what do you do? Well, the importance here is the establishment of a relationship between parent and child. Yes, I have struggled financially without the child support. Yes, I have had the experience of a missing Father all my life. Sometimes we have to put our personal issues aside and facilitate to our children what might be best for them. Give them the freedom of choice. Trust me the good, the bad and the ugly of the other parent will surface and if the relationship goes south you will be there to comfort and support your child and life goes on.
From my personal experience, as a child I often wondered why my skin tone was a few shades lighter than my Mother’s, I often wondered why I tucked my lips inward, I often wondered why I had a sense of humor and the ability to tell long stories to make others laugh. Then I often asked myself, “would my choices in life been better or worse,” or “would I have been protected from harm’s way,” all were questions that crossed my mind if my Father was around. My Father returned in my life March 2002 just a few months shy of my fortieth birthday. I was blessed for nine short years to establish a loving, joyful and was taught some lifelong lessons by my Father before he passed away August 22, 2011. Miss you Daddy…..so see time is of the essence!
Wendy L. Harvey, an
inventor with determination that mobilized her life through corporate America
that led this savvy business woman to ignite her entrepreneurial spirit. Her
diligence forced her to develop 7Faith Productions, LLC a multi-media company.
7Faith Productions, LLC is currently becoming a sought after publishing company
for upcoming authors.