As a little girl, we often dream of having a family of own when we become adults. Some of those dreams come true meaning that little girl as she has grown into a woman meets that “Mr. Right”, gets married and begins her family with children to raise and love unconditionally. For others, those dreams may not turn out just the way they dreamed. For many years, I visualized meeting that “Mr. Right”, getting married and starting a family all of my own. It was at a point in my life that I realized it was not my time to meet that “Mr. Right”, even though I was talking to a man that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with, it just wasn’t meant to be. I began to pray that God would send me either my soul mate or a child that I could offer my unconditional love too. I started to give up on that prayer being answered and turned to the life of living it up, not caring what I did as far as the party life.
On December 23, 2001, God intervened and said I have an early Christmas present for you, my child. It was on that day that I discovered I was with child. I did not know whether to laugh, cry or rejoice. God had heard my prayer and answered it with the best present a person could even dream of and that is a child of their own. In my mind I thought this would be a way that my son’s father and I would grow closer together. Boy… was I wrong!
Throughout my pregnancy, my son’s father was nowhere around and in fact denied he was the father of our son in which, I was carrying. I was not going to let his denial stop me from having our child. I decided to move back to my home state of KY where I knew I would be welcomed with opened arms and loads of support. Months passed and still no contact from my son’s father and the day of our son’s arrival, still no word. I accepted the fact that I would be raising our son all on my own. Yes I prayed for a child to offer my unconditional love to but didn’t realize I would be single while doing so.
A year passed and my son’s father finally accepted responsibility and the fact that he indeed was the father of our son. On and off again relationship with my son’s father over the years was becoming unhealthy for both my son and I. But would I deny my son the right to know who his father was or have contact with him, NO. I found out though that you cannot make a man be a father to his child.
A few years passed and I began to slip back into depression. My son was my world and he came first and foremost in my life. But I felt like there was something missing in my life. I thought that being single was for those that could not find someone to love them. I began to think that there was something wrong with me because I was single. I started looking for love in all the wrong places and hooked up with men for all the wrong reasons. It was in 2011, that God woke me up and made me realize that I prayed for a child more deeply than a man to love. I realized at that point in my life that I had focused more on someone to love me that the one person that loved me more than any could was right here with me, my son.
Now that my child is close to his pre-teen years, he noticed that his mommy and daddy are not speaking and that his mommy is raising him all on her own. My son often says he wishes his dad and I were together so we could be a family. It is times like that that break my heart. I started looking for love again only because my son said he would like to have a father figure around. Mistake…never go looking for love especially when it is for all the wrong reasons. Why, you may ask. Let me just say, don’t get in a relationship with someone just because your child wants it; that is when you get hurt the most especially when it does not work out and your son really likes the guy. You now have to deal with the hurt your child feels because it did not work out with the man or woman.
The moral to this story is when you pray to God for something make sure you are ready for those prayers to be answered. You may think that what you want and what you need are similar at that time, when in fact they are not. From someone that has been down many walks of life, being a single parent is not easy but all worth it when it comes from the unconditional love you receive from your child, something you will not get from a man or a woman. A child’s love is pure and more meaningful than any relationship we can ever experience. So be grateful for the child you have and most of all enjoy your time you have with them. When God feels that you and your child are ready for a relationship He will send in the right person for you and your child and when you least expect it. For now be thankful for the answered prayers from God, He knows best!