Deborah L. Tillman “American’s SuperNanny”
The best that we can do as parents is to realize that children come through you but they are not from you. Parenting is not making the child it is about raising the child. As much as we may or may not want to believe it, this next generation is going to be measured by what we did or did not do. What we do today as parents will matter tomorrow.
So who are we and how are we parenting? Many of us are suffering from IDD (INTENTION) deficit disorder. Are we intentional about the choices we make in raising our children? How do we parent in front of people and in private? Are you the same person or are you trying to be someone else? I will tell you that the original you are worth more than the copy and the more we become self aware and authentic the easier it will be to effectively parent our children.
It is a travesty that children are being neglected rather than nurtured, abused rather than attended to criticize rather than connected with and we have the power to do something about it.
We have the power to change our households, our schools and ourselves so that our children will look at us and want to be better because it is difficult for children to BE what they cannot SEE. Parents have the power to make the crooked places straight the dark – light and the wrong – right. We have the power to change one life and that one life might just change the world.
But we must believe we can. We may not be able to fix all the problems in the world, but we can fix our homes and help our teachers by raising our children instead of expecting them to.
If one person can try 5000 times before inventing the light bulb if 2 brothers can discover how to fly planes if one woman can chose to not get out of her seat and ignite the fire in the entire civil rights movement. If one man can say no to violence and have a dream and that dream evoke the consciousness of the entire world.
Certainly, we can all come together and stand in our parenting power and say no more to teen suicide, no more to teen pregnancy, no more to seeing our boys in boxes and our girls in the grave too soon
No more to school drop outs
No more to violence in our communities
No more to the school to prison pipeline
No more to dreams deferred
No more to disrespectful children
No more to disobedience
If we stood up and said NO MORE and meant it not just for the child we birthed but for all of God’s children we really could be the change we want to see in the world.
Let’s do it!
Digital Edition August/September 2016
It’s September… and along with the change in season is the change in our children’s routine as it has shifted from summer sleep-in days to settling into the ‘back to school’ blues. Boardwalk shorts, wave boards, and snow cones have been replaced by uniforms, notebooks and school lunches. Higher-order thinking has, in a sense, been demoted from the abstract of video game strategies to concrete solutions in the classroom. Homework, projects, and test preparation have taken precedence; and, once again the single parent is bogged down with aiding in the maintenance of their child’s academic and social standing. Settling into the new school year can be a stressful time for our children, but can also be a tedious task for us. The stress of being a single parent with school aged children can be lessened; and, your children can progress towards academic excellence by following these few simple tips.
At Home: Academics should be your child’s main focus during the week. Start by establishing a routine and schedule for weekdays.
- Identify a daily study time and place. Your child should have a quiet, organized space where he/she completes homework and projects, or studies for tests daily with minimal distractions (cellphones, ipods, radios, and televisions should be turned off). Inspirational or soothing music should be utilized and kept at a low volume for students who need a small amount of noise to get in gear for productivity. You should utilize your child’s study time to check or assist with their homework and/or for the completion of any paperwork sent home by school administration, teachers, or support staff (ie.Nurse). Don’t forget to assist your younger children with purging unneeded papers from their school bags.
- Establish an understanding of expectation. If written homework has not been assigned, your child should know that he/she is still expected to utilize the study time for academics whether it be a review of skills or test preparation.
- Restrict media and games. Media usage and games should be minimalized or restricted, if at all possible, during the school week to alleviate your child’s urge to ‘rush’ through homework or projects for the opportunity to resume the viewing of music videos or sanctioning the slaying of bandits and serpents on video games.
- Identify a specific time for dinner and cleanup as a family. Discussions about school and daily activities or experiences that take place outside of the home should occur during this time. Children tend to feel less pressured about sharing when conversing over a meal.
- Offer education based reinforcements. Reward your child weekly for academic and social successes. Give home consequences for inappropriate behaviors exhibited in school to show your child that you are on one accord with their teachers.
- TALK AND LISTEN. ‘Talk’ to your child about their improvement needs and listen to their concerns. Assist them with progression or locate a program or establishment that can offer assistance (ie. Mentoring and tutoring programs or centers)
At School: Establish a rapport with your child’s teacher
- Attend ‘Back to School’ Night as a mandate for yourself. This is the first official meeting of the school year. It is the time when you can meet your child’s teachers formally to extend assistance and make notable acknowledgement of your involvement and support. You should also have an opportunity to gain knowledge on the academic structure and climate of each teacher’s classroom so you are aware of their overall expectations for students.
- ASK QUESTIONS. Create a short list of questions or concerns you may have before attending ANY meeting (in person or via phone) with teachers or administration.
- Be Proactive. Offer your phone number and email address to each teacher as a means of open communication. Also, request that each teacher keep you aware of academic and social progresses via email at least once a month to stay abreast of any areas in which your child may require assistance.
- Request Alternatives. If for any reason you are unable to attend quarterly Report Card Conferences, make arrangements with your child’s teacher or principal to pick up their report card or have it mailed home. Send in a self- addressed stamped envelope with your child if necessary. ‘Show’ your child that you are serious about their success.
And finally, BE CONSISTENT with implementing and/or practicing both ‘At Home’ and ‘At School’ tips. Your consistency will aid in your ‘Back to School’ blues blossoming into enjoyment, excitement, and intrigue of education for both you and your child. Only eight to nine months left… COUNTDOWN!!!!
SURVIVING EDUCATION: BEHIND THE EYES OF AN INNER CITY CHILD
This article is intended to enlighten the public of some of our youth’s struggles while we as educators attempt to present them with the knowledge necessary to live successfully beyond the means of survival. The culture of inner city life exposes our youth to situations not evident or as prevalent in many suburban areas that pose academic focus as a challenge. It should also be noted that not all of our students come to us with extenuating circumstances or hardships. We are graced with high achieving students who have great support systems, and are easily teachable… and, we are equally privileged to be given the opportunity and challenge to make an even more unprecedented change in the students with life obstacles. I would like to thank all of my students for being patient with my efforts, trusting me as an educator, counselor, and confidante while allowing me to make a difference in their lives… This article is dedicated to them.
Behind the eyes of an inner city child, you’ll find truth: rape, molestation, abuse, abandonment, alcoholism, homelessness, drug use and distribution, despair, depression, and deprivation coinciding with awareness, sustenance, accountability, countenance, intellect, inquisitions, productivity, courage, and strength. For many of our inner city youth, truth in their eyes is real life… that which is formidable on a daily basis. It goes far beyond making it to school on time, the literary analysis of Shakespeare, voting for Homecoming Queen and King, or preparing for a midterm or final exam. Their truth encompasses the dysfunction of their environment, the struggles of their families, the inequitable loss of friends and loved ones to violence… and, the emotional, physical, and spiritual turmoil that has manifested itself into their souls as a result of their exposure to the depletion of value in opportunities of self-realization and self-worth.
Over the years and throughout my assignment of educating our youth, I’ve encountered an array of anecdotes shared with me by students who have in turn educated me on their reality. A reality that my training throughout college, inclusive of studies in child psychology, multicultural education, multi-disciplinary approaches, and the multiple intelligences framework could have never prepared me for. Their anecdotes have restructured my views on the aspects of teaching to yield success in children whose primary concern is day to day survival. Surviving another night on the streets without food, shelter, or security anxiously awaiting the opening of the school building for refuge… Surviving the walk home through a gang driven and drug infested neighborhood… Surviving another night of restraint and fighting off the hands meant to protect you but violating your innocence…
Surviving the effects of parental involvement of drug relations and FBI SWAT intrusions in your home while you care for your older brother who has been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, with both ultimately being forced into detainment for questioning… Surviving your mother’s murder followed by your father relinquishing his paternal rights forcing you to ascertain first hand, the pros and cons of the systematic realities of foster care at the age of 15… Surviving your diagnosis of Crohn’s disease during your senior year with multiple surgeries and faltering in faith while your mother works multiple shifts, as a single parent, to balance medical and daily living needs for you and your 6 siblings. These are the stories that are shared by our students, and they are only a fraction of the dilemmas faced with the added pressure of academic achievement and success. These references are not meant for you to frown upon, or in any instance compel to excuse our youth for their lack of motivation when it comes to academics; but, for you to embrace, with compassion, an understanding of the reasoning behind their actions and motives which we often view as misappropriate.
When I discuss my occupation among associates or other professionals, most of their responsive conversation alludes to them feeling sorry for my “situation”. Teaching in the inner city is not a “situation” but a “service” to our youth, and an assignment and responsibility that God has given me, along with many other educators, in an attempt to affect change in a system that is illuminated with chastisements and irrational convictions. Our youth need to be encouraged and supported, not to be told that they are incapable of success because of their circumstances. We, as adults, have to show them “different” in order for them to believe that a difference is possible. We, as adults, have to stand firm in the belief of our youth to succeed and not abandon their efforts when our efforts are seemingly unrecognized, unappreciated, or devalued. Our youth need to know that we will stand beside them throughout their struggles and stride toward success. No, the mindsets of our youth will not change drastically in a short period of time… and yes, there are those who are going to be rebellious regardless of who stands behind the extended hand, and who lack an affirmation of change and self-worth. The bottom line is there are young people who are hurting and yearning for change but do not have the proper guidance needed for growth that is conducive to becoming a viable part of society. The change begins with us as parents, educators, and community leaders believing in the future of our youth regardless of the deterioration of their dispositions. We are responsible for instilling value and morale. We have to be living examples in order for change to extinguish our youths’ corrupted mannerisms. Everyone deserves to be loved… Everyone deserves to know that they have support regardless of their past challenges, choices, and mistakes… and, every one of our youth, who didn’t ask to be put in most of their situations, deserves a chance at lifelong success: a different perspective of “truth”.
“Pray until something happens” and act on your belief”
Our schools yield scholars with life lessons of courage, strength, and endurance. It takes a lot for a young person to survive daily life and continue to strive… and, I accredit my students with recognizing that “giving up” is not an option. So, before you judge their actions or proclaim that they are worthy of no more than becoming menaces to society, why not make a stance to change your perspective and put forth an honest effort to at least P.U.S.H for the future of our youth. “Pray until something happens” and act on your belief. We have to change in order for them to follow and ultimately lead.